Heard During Colonoscopy

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

• I usually don't do this on the first date.
• "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
• "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
• "Can you hear me now?"
• "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
• 
  
• "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
• "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
• "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out, you put your left and in and you shake it all about...."
• "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
• "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
• "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
• "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

  And the best one of them all...

• "Could you write a note for my wife saying that, in your considered medical opinion, my head is not up there?"

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